The Toxic

April 9, 2018

-illustration by Sebastien Milthorp-

this was my body

and it was stolen by you

I can never take it back

take that night back

take my smile back

back of my head a permanent smoke alarm rings

reminding me of what you did

what i let you do

this body was my body

and i will never look at it in the same way

my curves now are too convoluted for anyone to love

invasive acne too abhorrent for anyone to look at me and call beautiful

my eyebrows too diaphanous my skin too cadaverous it would be a struggle to look at me

the list of my insecurities rolled off my tongue like rocks in an avalanche

although small and seemingly harmless when triggered and together

they have the power to kill

I try to silence the sirens

I try to summon a smile

this was my body and it will never be the same

not only have you destroyed my body but also

my mirrors

my photos

my mind

 

(-this was my body and you will never know what you did)

Sticks and stones

 

N E V E R

 

Broke my bones

 

But words

 

S H A T T E R E D

 

my self.love

 

C R U S H E D  

 

my conscience

 

D E V A S T A T E D

 

my disposition

 

R U I N E D

 

my relationship with myself

 

(-the words that killed me)

 

 

 

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Geneva, Switzerland